Today’s Drudge Report cites an AP article on the scientific quest for a meat substitute that tastes like meat.

Several companies are investing time and effort into finding a way to make synthetic meat From refining plant extracts, to actually growing meat cells in test tubes, people are dedicated to the task of making meat without harming animals.

In the past I’ve suggested that we bred cows and pigs with extra legs, that can be surgically removed. We use the extra legs for food, and release the hosts into the wild. It would be meat created through kindness, though I think even meat lovers might be aghast at the suggestion.

Meanwhile, Josh Tetrick of Hampton Creek foods admitted something we all suspected: Everyone but Vegans, thinks Vegan food tastes awful:

“Number one, never use the word ‘vegan,'” he said.

To avoid perceptions its eggless spread Just Mayo won’t taste good, Hampton Creek even removed the V-word from the label. Tetrick says what makes the product different is that it tastes better and costs less – not that it’s made with a protein from a Canadian yellow pea instead of eggs. (full story)

This once again proves the thesis that humans are supposed to like meat. Despite all the work and dedication put in by thousands of vegan chefs around the globe, it’s just impossible to make vegetables taste as delicious as meat.

There’s a reason for that. It’s called “The Ice Age”. When the glaciers crept down around the top of the earth, the vegetables went away for a while. The only hominids that survived were the ones whose diets consisted mainly of giant sloths and woolly mammoths. Our taste for meat is evolutionarily hard wired into our DNA now, and thousands of naked PETA protesters roaming the streets on Thanksgiving won’t change that.

It may also be better for the Planet. A recent study found that lettuce is 3 times worse for the environment than bacon; ruining holiday dinners for thousands of families, whose rude uncles had to bring it up to their vegan nieces right before grace. (I can personally attest to two of those.)

Finally, if these scientists are successful in creating animal free meat, there will be a question of any health benefit. Because these burgers will require more factory processing than a computer chip. By comparison, cows come pretty much ready-to-eat. These burgers should come labeled with all sorts of warnings of the dangerous substances and chemicals used to torture plants into a synthetic meat product.

But the “health” food racket doesn’t work that way. When these artificial meat patties come on line, they will be labeled as natural, organic, healthy and holistic. One thing I can guarantee: those patties will be rich in irony.