In death, Karl Marx has done more to disprove his theories, than the work of a million live economists.
What is it about dead Communists? While they spend their lives talking about how the world would be better if everyone was equal, they want to spend their deaths in bourgeoisie style. Perhaps they’re hoping for an eternal life, something that just isn’t granted to atheists.
Lenin had his body put into an enormous granite mausoleum.Throughout the last seven decades of the Soviet Union, a special Government agency was tasked with keeping him looking as fresh as the day he died.
Communist nations are often mocked for performing a Weekend at Bernies routine with their dear leaders. Rumor had it that North Korea’s greatest puppeteers were employed so that Kim Jong-il could review one final Mayday Parade, before handing the regime over to his dwarf son. It is similarly speculated that Fidel Castro has been dead for years.
And now we learn that Karl Marx, the author who spawned a century of misery, was nowhere near as humble, as the masses for whom he fought. Before his death, the man who believed all property should belong to the State, bought himself a little private land to spend his eternity. There is no record of how he paid for his final resting place, but it was likely paid by his friend Friedrich Engels, who didn’t want Marx crashing on his couch for another twenty years.
And even more ironic, the cemetery now has a cover charge. if you want to see Karl Marx head on a brick, it costs about six bucks. Not that it isn’t worth it. The headstone almost looks like a prop from a High School production of Wicked. I would bet that with a little work from a Chuck E. Cheese’s robotics technician, it could be made even more entertaining.
But the cover charge isn’t a response to the millions of Marxists lining up to catch a glimpse of the spectacle. The problem the Cemetery was experiencing, is the same one that has plagued Communist nations since Karl first scribbled their blueprints: When something is considered free, no one values it:
Highgate was opened in 1839 as one of the “Magnificent Seven” cemeteries that private companies built to relieve the city’s teeming grave yards. The London Cemetery Company hired a renowned landscape gardener to craft a cemetery on a site overlooking London that soon became the city’s most fashionable necropolis.
But as the cemetery reached capacity, Highgate’s income stream dried up. The company hit financial troubles in 1960 and the graveyard entered a period of decline during which graves were vandalized and Highgate became a favorite hangout of occultists. (full story)
Despite all the belief in a society working together for the greater good, Marx’s gravesite had turned into a dump. It illustrates the basic flaw in Communist reasoning: Without a profit, there is no incentive to work. It’s the same truth that has turned every Marxist experiment into a backwards waste land, and until the Highgate Cemetery practiced a little capitalism, Marx’s little private acre was about to meet a similar fate.
I’ve always been a fan of the ironic version of hell that was often depicted in the Twilight Zone series. For instance, a selfish man was once forced to spend eternity getting everything he ever dreamed of. (Gambling isn’t as much fun, when you win every single time.) For this reason, I think it’s absolutely delightful to learn that Karl Marx’s remains are now a profit making tourist attraction.
And of course, £4 is really a bargain when you figure the cost of a pint in London; which is what you’d normally have to spend if you wanted to use a restroom.