Tim Slagle

A humble stand up comedian, fighting a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

BernieDonald

Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders may seem like polar opposites, but if you look closer, you’ll see a lot of similarity.

There has never been an American primary so passionately fought, and two candidates have emerged as cult favorites. Before you paint a Chaplin mustache on your brother’s candidate, you best take the armband out of your own closet.

We are at a desperate point in History. Not since the 30s has the world economy been afflicted with such meager growth. It is in these dark periods that populations rally behind strong personalities. It is the same type of economy that allowed Fascism and Communism to sweep across Europe, and America to dabble in Socialism the first time around.

Sanders and Trump have far more in common than their supporters would ever care to admit. Like Cola drinkers, who are adamant about their brand choice, the difference between Sanders and Trump is the difference between Pepsi® and Coke® – one has a little more sugar, the other a little more gas.

Both are old white men from the boroughs of New York with bad hair, who have had multiple wives. Neither have run a successful business. (Although in fairness, one has made many valiant attempts.)

They each have three word campaign slogans, which mean absolutely nothing, but describe what they want to do to the country. One appeals to patriotism, the other appeals to covetous.

Both want to raise taxes on the wealthy. I don’t think the tax increases would affect either candidate, as one has ample write-offs from his massive losses, the other gets all his expenses paid directly by the taxpayers.

Both are in favor of Single Payer Health Care, albeit for different reasons. Bernie thinks you have a right to the labor of Doctors and Nurses; Donald thinks businesses could be more profitable if they could drop their employees’ health care expenses.

Both want to increase immigration, while tightening trade across our borders. This one is curious. While they both agree that cheap labor around the world is drawing manufacturing out of the country, they both want to import cheap labor into the country. Again, their motives are different. Donald wants cheap labor to make his hotels more profitable; Bernie wants cheap labor, because they always vote Democrat.

Both are viewed as outsiders. Which is strange, because both of them have contributed either labor or capital to the status quo through most of their careers. Bernie has been a Government Official for the last 35 years, while Trump has been paying off Government Officials for at least as long.

Neither has taken a dime of PAC money. However, if the idea is to get money out of politics, Trump is the clear choice. His campaign has been mostly self-financed, only taking a paltry $8million in contributions. Sanders has taken close to ten times that amount.

They both want to lower student interest rates. If anyone knows about the problems that can be associated with debt, it’s Donald Trump. However, if College was free, it’s likely that Bernie Sanders would have never left.

Donald Trump appeals to people who love casinos. They enjoy the risk. He’s like a scratch off ticket, you’re never really sure what you’re getting, but it could be amazing.

Bernie Sanders appeals more to people who play slot machines. Despite the long history of Socialism failing over centuries, Sanders supporters think that if you just put enough money into it, eventually it’s bound to hit the jackpot.

Opponents would disagree with this comparison. Trump supporters think Bernie is a Communist; while Sanders supporters think Donald is a Fascist. But Communism and Fascism are very close. Friedrich Hayek once predicted that the Soviet Union would eventually become indistinguishable from Nazi Germany and his opinion turned out to be quite prescient.

Hence, the ideal strategy would be for Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders to form a third party and campaign as running mates. They could call it the “Yuge Party”. Not only would they have enough support to win the election, with both candidates in their Seventies it’s a pretty good bet that they’ll both get to live in the White House at least once over the next eight years.

Unfortunately it would never work, as the support for each candidate is far outweighed by the negatives for the other. Nobody who supports Trump thinks Sanders would be a good President and vice-versa. Which underlines the point, that people are voting for their personalities, rather than their policies.

Which is exactly what happened in the 30s.

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