Tim Slagle

A humble stand up comedian, fighting a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

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photo by salva

 

The failure of the projected tourist boom proves that Communists are no good at planning.

Turns out there was a vacation paradise just south of us, full of beautiful Art Deco hotels, where all the cars looked like a Doris Day movie. And once granted permission, Americans would flock to it’s sunny shores, giving a much needed jolt to its beleaguered economy. That was the theory.

Oh yeah, it’ also run by Communists. And no, not the pony-tailed university professor type Communist, who might advertise a spare room for rent, where you can crash before the Antifa-Protest, and have a raw vegan breakfast on your way to get pepper sprayed. No. Real. Live. Communists. The kind that will torture and kill you for having a political opinion they don’t like. (Rather than just a failing grade.) The kind that lets large swaths of their nation live in poverty, so the elites making decisions for them, can live in palaces.

The kind that brags about teaching everyone how to read, then pulls books out of the library and burns them. The ones who love their own images on money so dearly, they print way too much of it, making it worthless.

The kind of Communists who have seized the means of production, but cannot figure out how to produce. Which is why the machines that produce things Americans enjoy, like electricity and running water, don’t always work. THAT kind of Communist.

Which is one of the reasons why Cuba is not attracting the amount of tourism that was once projected. Cuban flights are nearly as empty as their grocery stores. According to an article in Market Watch, Americans just aren’t making the trip:

Indeed, the initial excitement about the formerly closed off country gave way to moral dilemmas over food shortages and other problems caused by tourism, as well as disappointment over limited working internet, lower hotel standards, and lack of running water there. The Allianz study found lack of travel infrastructure was a major cause of anxiety about traveling to Cuba for 13% of Americans. (full story)

Despite all the romantic fantasies people have about visiting a resort untouched since Ricky Ricardo last played the ballroom there, it turns out there isn’t really a push to visit the workers paradise across the Florida Straits. This, despite a projected increase in travelers from the Cuban ministry of tourism. Much like the endless series of failed Soviet five year economic plans, the tourist ministry projections collapsed in less than 12 months.

Tourist infrastructure is a big problem. Cubans still use an antiquated form of conducting business transactions, known as “cash.” In the 60 years since progress abandoned the island, free people no longer use actual money. (No one under 40 even uses checks.) Everything is done electronically out here. Having to carry a wad of money around, seems as archaic today, as scales and a tiny sack of gold dust.

But this might be the biggest reason: Despite the relaxation of travel regulations, there are still strict import restrictions on things like “happiness” and “fun”:

…visitors to the country have to select one of 12 categories for their visit, which include religious activities, humanitarian projects, “support for the Cuban people,” and journalistic activities. “You can’t go to Cuba to sit on the beach and have fun and that’s what Americans like to do on vacation,”

This despite a huge contingent of Americans who claim to support humanitarian causes and desire participation in cultural exchanges. (Perhaps they could do research into what America might look like under a Bernie Sanders Administration.) Apparently, Communist sympathizers in the US have become quite accustomed to the capitalist tradition of enjoyable vacations.

There are those who should enjoy Communist tourism. Bernie Sanders spent his Honeymoon in the USSR. The Soviets once staged a Potemkin Wedding for Teddy Kennedy, a grand affair, sort of a Dmitry and Darina’s Wedding, complete with exquisite food, ample beverages and promiscuous bridesmaids; to convince Teddy that the Soviet Union was a wonderfully benevolent place.

The problem is, the charm of the Island has nothing to do with the government. It has been created by ingenuity rather than dictate. It has actually been done in spite of the government. The quaint restaurants that operate illegally, and the ancient cars that have been meticulously maintained by ingenious entrepreneurs are the reason people are fascinated by the place. Rather than stay in Hotels, most tourists are now opting for the new economy, finding lodging on Airbnb, rather than government run hotels.

And perhaps that’s where her future lies. As technology and capital slowly leak into the country it will become impossible for the Cuban Government to impose poverty.

Now if it can only happen here.